My Portion

Im already in the 8th month of my chambering period. I have gained and learnt much in the place im working. Im loving my work. I look forward to the portfolios and tasks that are ahead before me. I can say with much joy, I enjoy this work so much cos it really makes my experience and faith in the One I love so real. Countless of times, I have stepped into that water of the red sea and see the red sea part before me, How simple faith we need to have on our God and he will part the sea ahead of us.

Recently, even as im in my final months of my chambering term, I, at times cant help but look at my senior LAs and see the vasts difference in experience and knowledge between myself and them. Though there are at times, when I look at my work and opinions are almost as relative as theirs... but in terms of the responsibilities and legal opinion , the diference between us is clear.

I tend to compare myself with them, Whenever they are handed with sucha complicated case where there seems no defence or remedy at all, they/or even one of them would be able to figure it all out. Thats when, at those times, I asked of the Lord, Lord please give me a bigger cup so that i can have bigger portion. My portion from here would mean: the experience , the skill, the sharpness, and responsibility.

I'm not saying that Im coping very easy with my current portion of work, but I desire to "catch-up" to reach a level someday above my LAs. Im frustrated, cos i desire to grow quick. Real quick. I want to handle bigger profile cases. One which one will be remembered. At current stage of my 8th month chambering, Im handling the: 1.Islamic Banking portfolio which is of over 100s of files, not taking into account the number of legal action taken in each file. 2. The whole of private auction in instructions by the RCR, RBR, GSR, BBA department. 3. The huge monitoring of the conveyacing Harmony View Project. 4. The new Portfolio that has been given birth this month, RCC(GoodBank) department. Its a lot of work and responsibility, but yet i feel dissatisfied and desire more.

Tonite I did my devotion( which I rarely get the chance to do so, as I usually spend my mornings for quiet time, and evenings I would go to bed early). I was reading one of my favourite psalm, Pslams16. This Pslams has always been a favourite of mine, cos I have encounter many personal prophecies and confirmation from this chapter itself. Also, It is a Psalms which i relate most to myself personally, this is due to because of the many number of times the word" right hand" is mentioned in this chapter. Benjamin means Son of My Right Hand.

The verse in psalms 16:5
" Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure."

I know of no greater simplier for all life. Whatever happens is assigned. Does the intellect balk at that? Can we say that there are things which happen to us which do not belong to our loving assigned "portion"? Are some things, then, out of the control of the Almighty?

Every assignment is measured and controlled for my external good. As i accept the given portion other portions are cancelled.Decisions become easier, directions become clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter. Take note, a quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough.All is grace.

My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion - in matters far beyond comparison with the trivialities such as; my desire to handle higher profiel cases, for a larger portfolio ( the big apple), for a opportunity to create great PR with the top in the business and properties. We can only know that Eternal Love is wiser than we, and we bow in adoration of that loving wisdom.

After reading thru this whole chapter of pslams. I reflect on my own and realized that it is Response that matters. I was not willing to accept that portion which God has planned for me now. I was pushing for a bigger portion or to say with shame, a "selective" portion. Like as though what God has assigned to me shud be serve to me like Im going on a buffet, being selective of what portion i shud get. With such mentality( which Im ashamed as I think of it) , of getting the Big apple when Im in my 8th month in chambers.

In the end when I reflect upon all that has been consumed in this reading; The choice is ours. It depends on our willingness to see everything in God, receive all from His hand, accept with gratitude just the portion and the cup He offers. Shall I charge Him with a mistake in His measurements or with misjudging the sphere in which I can best learn to trust Him?Is He ignorant of things or people which, in my view, hinder my doing His will?

God came down and lived in this world as a man. He showed us how to live in this world, subject to vicissitudes and necessities, that we might be changed- not to an angel or a legendary adored apostle, but changed into 'His likeness'. The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.

I have learnt to be humbled by His word and really accept that portion which God has given to me for it is His will doing for my eternal good. The portion will increase as I cont. on to " forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead, pressing on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus". How dangerous was I to have in this ideology that "it is not enough, I must have a different portion". Having a portion thats bigger/or smaller without God's measurement will not benefit any for His Eternal glory.

Lord, Thank you for your word that is ever so real, may I continue each day O Lord to accept every amount of portion you have given to me and use it for your glory. And may I grow to be more like your likeness as Christ have.


I leave here with this poem written by Lina Sandell;-

"He whose heart is kind beyong all measure
Give unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest."


Part adapted from Elisabeth Elliot's devotion material: Keep a Quiet Heart